Wednesday, March 27, 2013

Bismillah,
Ya Allah i beg you for the best
Accept my apologize if this is a mistake

Yesterday
Almost...
everyday i'm crying
everyday i just seeing your picture and none of my words come out
everyday i wanna see you, though it was just by dream
everyday i see you changes, and your feeling changes
everyday i back my tears up when i hear your voice and is not the same as your voice, you used to be
Accept my apologize if this is a mistake

well, what can i do
He never listened, and always deny for every words by my mouth
He pushed me to ignore
He pushed me to say 'let's be apart'
He pushed me to hate him
He pushed me to think that he is not the one
He pushed me to say 'let's break up'
He pushed me to 'single hearted'
tought it were not by the words, then his eyes showed
Accept my apologize if this is a mistake

well, what can i do
if he told you that 'i think we should end for this'
if he told you that 'if  i call you then the descision will changes'
if he told you 'this is just the same situation with the old times' 
If he told you 'have to be single hearted'
if he told you 'i hope this is the best for us'
Those words that come out from him were a knife for me. And I saw him with my courage I just backed up my tears to not drop down suddenly and made my rigid face so even my heart was broken too much and the pain slowly killed.
Accept my apologize if this is a mistake

well what can i do
my brains come insane, my feelings is deny about the memories
i've to said that ' yes maybe it is over'
well a text message is so easy to write,
but my brain did not say the same things
and my memories repeated and said to the opposite of what i wanted
Accept my apologize if this is a mistake

When he said it was over, I stopped breathing. 
I could not gather my thoughts. I felt like it wasn't happening, but it was. 
It was surreal. My stomach turned up side down, my mouth was dry, I was sweating, my heart trembling. Out of intense denial, I said to him 'yes'

So when it's over
So i've tried to call, may be its the last time to say goodbye
and again
iback my tears up, and make a fake 'tough girl' when i hear his voice and my tears just go down and go down, and my heart repeated 'Ya Allah reinforced me' in many times
Breaking up is hard to do. Much like the passing away of a loved one

no, this is not a goodbye call.. 
i know i will hear his voice again
in my graduation
in his birthday
in my birthday
and in his graduation
well i know for sure in that day, i need an exrtra courage, i will back my tears up again when my voice turns out to normal as tough girl to be, but my tears just go down... and i will take for 'Allah name' in many times

Well, when it is over... i would like to say
Thank you. 

Cinta memang beragam macam tapi mungkin memang tidak semua bisa bersama.

Mungkin ini hanya sebuah pelajaran ilmu ikhlas dalam hidup di dunia. 
Maka darinya...

Terimakasih Allah untuk mengajarkan bagaimana ikhlas, ikhlas untuk melepaskan dan merelakan sesuatu yang kita sayangi dalam hidup ini.
Mungkin bukan aku, dan kamu yang salah. Tapi Allah belum membuat waktu yang tepat untuk kita bisa bersama, waktu belum mempertemukan kita dengan baik. Allah mungkin sedang merencanakan waktu yang tepat untuk kita. Dengan lebih memperbaiki diri kita, mungkin adalah salah satu cara nya...
Apa yang direncana kan oleh-Nya percaya lah ini yang terbaik.
Sampai jumpa di lain waktu yang lebih tepat dari Allah untuk kita.

Kalau ini salah, sekali lagi... Maaf
semoga tuhan memaafkan.
I love you, and always.

Kinanthi Husodo-

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